UPS Just Delivered 36 Packages to My House, You Say?? or How I Cured My Sex Addiction

The internet is the most dangerous place in the world for some people. I found the cure for sex addiction on the internet!! I read an article by one Dr. Kafka about the use of Celexa in the treatment of people suffering from paraphilias. Celexa is an SSRI antidepressant and as we know antidepressants can trigger mania in people with bipolar disorder. BUT I had been on Prozac before and was so stable on other drugs that I could handle it. What I didn't realize this time was that I was not so stable. I was not very stable at all but for some reason my finely attuned sense of self-awareness had ceased to work. I had no idea what bad shape I was in. I just wanted to stop acting out sexually. I wanted to never have sex again and this seemed like a good idea. Cure addiction with a pill. Sounds awesome, right?

So....I convinced the doctor to give me Lexapro, a newer form of Celexa. What the doctor did though was put me on a much higher dose than was needed....20 mg. I should have only been on 10 or even 5 considering my mental health history but hey, welcome to the wonderful world of county run mental health clinics. So I swallowed the first pill and the second pill.

I was cured of my sex addiction. I didn't have sex including sex with self, any form of sex whatsoever, for the period of one year.

Shortly afterward the packages starting arriving. They arrived everyday for that whole year. Mostly books. Books I would never read....hundreds of them. Other items as well that I have no memory of. I maxed out all the credit cards. Then I used the savings to pay off the credit cards and swore to God I would just keep them in a drawer and not use them. Then packages starting arriving again.....sometimes more than 10 packages from UPS in one day and maybe more in the mail.

The credit cards got maxed out again and I had to draw on my insurance policies to pay them off. I swore to God I would put them in a drawer and keep them just for emergencies but the packages kept arriving. Amazon.com either loved me or thought I was a complete maniac. I never bought expensive items, just hundreds of smaller items. And I shopped every day for that year...not a day went by without a purchase and I simply couldn't see that I was manic. I couldn't see how sick the Lexapro was making me. I was so thrilled that I wasn't acting out sexually and I was excited that I only slept a few hours a night and could function. I was just so damn happy all the time.

The packages kept coming and I had to take loans out on the insurance policies to pay off all the credit card bills. I didn't cancel the cards but thought I would just put them away somewhere in case we had a family emergency. Finally the cards were maxed and there was no more money. There was no money at all anywhere. Neither will there be much money here ever again. I am stone cold broke. The UPS guy is really bored now. He is the hottest guy I have ever seen and I don't get to flirt with him anymore....so sad.

I couldn't see how sick I was. I was angry also. I was viciously, violently angry all the time. I abused my oldest sister Florence mercilessly. She is a nasty, abusive, miserable rotten person to begin with and with me in a wildly manic state for the period of a year we went at it almost every day. I ruined all the holidays that year and I don't think Florence dared come near my house for that whole time. At the end of the year, near Christmas we had such a vicious fight over the phone she was afraid if that she came near me I might actually kill her. Somehow at this point I woke up just enough to stop the Lexapro before I in fact did kill someone, or my self, or end up in jail.

I spent about $40,000 dollars in that period and probably damaged my family relationships beyond repair. I would like to say however that my sisters both knew something was wrong. Neither of those self absorbed idiots ever thought to sit down with me and say "Seamus, I think 36 packages arriving at the house everyday via UPS might be a problem we should talk about" or how about "Seamus, when you threw the cat at me while I was coming thru the door it made me think your mental health might be a tad off. Perhaps you need a medication adjustment?"

I'm angry. I am angry at me because I could see how sick I was. Perhaps I ignored it on purpose because for a whole year I didn't act out sexually. I was so happy that I wasn't displeasing God anymore with my aberrant behavior. I was so happy to be free of that burden.

I am also angry at my sisters. There is simply no one in my life to take care of me when I am non-functioning. Oh, I take care of them and I care for my dad and I cared for my mother everyday of her cancer. I cared for Florence during her cancer and I babysit my other sisters children..But I can't understand how I could have been so obviously sick and no one noticed. I was a raving maniac and no one cared enough to sit down with me and try to talk some sense into me.


I did stop the Lexapro and returned to a relatively normal state. My bipolar disorder at this time is destabilized. I am not the same person anymore. I have small cycles of mania and depression every week or so. I become suicidal often and have periods of angry mania occasionally as well. I am always swinging. The damage the Lexapro did seems to be having a lasting effect. I have been off Lexapro for one year. I don't spend money anymore. I do however act out sexually worse than ever before.

Before the end of my year of mania I wen on a diet. I joined OA in an internet/online sort of way and got an email sponsor named Liz....and did the Greysheet....